I intend to make the most of it. I definitely want to be more active, do more with my friends and family and not to hide under baggy clothes. With warmer weather I can have PT sessions outside and start to run outside, spend more time in my garden and wear clothes that I feel comfortable in. One thing I desperately need to start doing sooner rather than later is to see my friends more. Right now, gym, PT, meal planning and prepping seems to be taking over my life and it is all I focus on. But I must admit that it feels like most social situations circle around food and/or alcohol and that does make me nervous. I hate being in the face of temptation as I'm scared that I won't be able to say no. Yesterday, I didn't join my sister on having a slice of her takeaway pizza because I was scared of how it would affect my weigh in tomorrow. Instead I sat there, drank water and had an apple (I hadn't planned to stay until dinner time otherwise I would have brought my own).
Have I become obsessed?
Have I become so fixated on losing weight that I become abit of a social recluse?
In a way, I feel I have. Although I haven't turned down many social outings, I haven't gone out of my way to get in touch with friends to make some either. I'm too scared to be placed in front of temptation or scared that if I do have a 'blow out' then it will take me a week to get back on track again. With my birthday only 115 days/16 weekly weigh ins away, I don't feel that I have time to waste. To reach goal, I have to lose 2.4lbs a week. I have only lost 5lbs so far this month, fingers crossed for another 2lbs gone when I weigh tomorrow as 7-8lbs is what I want to be losing each month. It's definitely becoming increasingly difficult to shift the weight the closer I get to goal. I really don't feel that my body shape is changing lately either but I know that I've got to put more effort into exercising (which I have done this week).
There's also the mental side of things with being overweight. Being outside in the cold light of day means opening yourself up for public judgement. Going out makes me feel really exposed, I'm not in the safe confines of my house anymore, I'm out in public, showing off my lovely spare tyres of fat and my huge ass to the world! (Fully clothed obviously) When I go out, I feel that people are judging me on my size, looking at my body and thinking 'God she's fat'.
I know that I may sound like I'm talking crazy but these are just some of the silly thoughts that I have in my brain!
So with these things in mind, I tend to shy away from social things.
But I've got to stop! I'm trying not to put so much pressure on myself for aiming to get to 10 stone by my birthday but it is hard. I've been overweight most of my life, plus I'm incredibly impatient. I just want this weight gone! So friends, if you're reading this, I'll be getting in touch soon!
Once again, my post went off on a tangent that I didn't intend it to! Oops.
There have been some positive things this week that I want to share with you...
Blog Planner - I treated myself to a Blog Planner. Originally my intention was to find a free one online and have it printed and bound but not being able to find one that I really liked, plus working out how much it was going to cost to have it printed in colour and bound properly, I decided that it was best to get a personalised planner done. I found a website that you can customise a planner to suit you (although it does have its limitations with designs, colours and layouts to a degree) but you can choose certain aspects of the planner and have it how you want it. This kind of planner would be perfect for the 'hobby' blogger, someone like me who blogs for fun. Check out the website:
Beauty Box from Bex - Bex is a girl who is fast becoming a lovely online friend to me. We met on Twitter, sharing a passion for losing weight and girly things. This week Bex sent me a beautiful box of make up goodies. Bex had a beauty box swap set up with someone however unfortunately she didn't hear back from them and being the kind friend that she is, she sent the box down to me. The box itself was so cute (Bex is a self confessed beauty box addict!) and the treats inside were so much more than I expected her to send. Inside I got...
A lovely note from Bex herself, an Elf travel mirror, a scented candle, an Elf Cream Blush, 2 Elf eyeshadow sets, Elf nail varnishes, 3 lip glosses, another blush, make up wedges, an Elf eye liner, a mascara, a cute note book and a chocolate tea bag. There was also an Naked Bar in there but that was swiftly eaten!
This girl has been such a pillar of support for me since we met, she is such a lovely and kind person. We message each other quite abit on Twitter, sharing a love for coffee and food and losing weight. Thank you so much for my lovely beauty box!
Gym - I've put more effort into the gym this week and went 4 times (1 included my weekly PT session). The resistance training is becoming easier now so hopefully this will be tweaked by my PT on Wednesday however, the cardio plan he has set for me really did work me out. I swapped from doing it on the rower to the treadmill and my god, I was sweating ALL OVER when I had finished. Apart from the resistance session, I really do feel that I gave my all in the gym this week. I had my tunes on shuffle on my phone and a song came up that really made me work harder:
I'm never going back
New nail varnish - I've purchased some new nail varnish recently, although haven't had time to actually paint my nails yet! But can't wait to rock my new nude and green colours:
Until next time
Start Date: 7th October 2014
Start Weight: 15 stone 8lbs
Current Weight: 12 Stone 11 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 39lbs