Only human... Or a fraud?

So... (I think I start most blog posts with 'so', I need to come up with a different opening word soon!) Christmas and New Year has come and gone. I hope that you all had a good Festive Season and a belated Happy New Year to you!

Firstly I feel that I need to apologise for not posting sooner. This post is going to be one of the hardest that I've written since I started blogging because of the honesty within it and the admission I
need to get off my chest. I really wanted to get this post out there on Sunday but I just didn't have it in me. I wasn't even that motivated to even eat clean or go to the gym come Sunday night but I did. Because if I didn't I know I'd probably be sat on the sofa right now stuffing my face with god knows what.

Yep, you guessed it. I have not followed a healthy lifestyle since Christmas Eve, despite saying that I would only have Christmas Day and Boxing Day 'off'. I allowed 'excuses' to dictate my eating habits (I managed to get a cold on Christmas Eve, I was dating a guy however it came to an abrupt end, I wasn't organised enough to have healthy food in the house or meals prepared and I just generally felt crap) which meant all I wanted to do was sit on my sofa feeling sorry for myself and eat crap, which is what I did. As a result, I gained 8lbs. Over half a stone in 12 days because I wasn't strong enough to battle my food demons and not use food as a comfort blanket. I was giving into my addiction and silly excuses and going against everything that I'd battled through since 7th October.

It's taken me this long to finally pluck up the courage to write a post. I have felt like a complete failure for falling back into my old habits after posting about following a healthy lifestyle and trying to be motivational for the weeks leading up to Christmas. Am I being too hard on myself? Am I only human? Or am I a fraud? How can I post about eating healthy and trying to be motivational when as soon as I become ill or down about something, I reach for chocolate, alcohol and takeaways? I still haven't been able to get my head around the reasons why, I only know of the excuses as to why I didn't stay healthy. But this is the first time I have given in for 12 weeks, I stuck to clean eating 100% before that, so I guess that's good going? But this has been a learning curve for me, I definitely know for Christmas this year that I need to stock my freezer full of healthy meals and have plenty of fruit and nuts to snack on to make sure that I've got enough healthy food in the house so I have no excuses not to eat something healthy!

So, that's it. As from Monday I was back on eating clean and going to the gym. Although Asda really did b*gger up my food shopping this week. I tried online shopping and delivery for the first time ever and of course, Asda could not get it right! Firstly they could not deliver my shopping on the day I had booked (Sunday) due to several of their vans being out of action so it was rearranged for Monday, no biggie. So when my shopping is delivered, there was items missing and the items that were substituted were no good to me; white rice received instead of brown, mixed mushrooms instead of portobello mushrooms, no brocoli, and stir fry noodles instead of vegetable stir fry. I was fuming! So I ended up calling them and making my first ever phone complaint and ended up with over £6 refunded and to keep the food, result! Well I gave the food to a friend :)

Despite starting on Monday, it has taken me a few days to get my brain into motivational gear so to speak, for my mind to get into 'the zone' and for my focus to resume. I have been feeling pressurized with all of the new year hype on social media into feeling that I had to have a positive mental attitude come 1st January because its a new year. Becoming motivated takes time. I know I didn't wake up on 6th October thinking... 'Tomorow I'm going to make positive life changes'. The choice to become healthier and to lose weight was something I have always wanted to do. I just had to be in the right mindset to do it. 
It doesn't matter when you start, its is never too early or too late to start making positive changes, however small. But self belief and self motivation will always battle against self doubt and self disbelief. 
Motivation takes a long time to build, it isn't a switch you can flick on and off, well not in my case anyway. Food addictions are a daily, weekly, monthly lifelong battle. Dealing with an addiction is hard, real hard and sometimes you don't know how hard until temptation is sent to try you. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and that's the battle that you face, regardless of whatever you're addicted to. I've learned that there are steps I can take to try and make sure that I stay on plan next time, plus by Christmas this year, I will be at goal!

I found a pin on Pintrest that kinda sums up what I should try and be:

But the best piece of advice I can give for anyone with any kind of addiction is - Take it one day at a time. Focus on getting through the day, through the temptations that you face right now and focus on making those small changes (drinking water, taking the stairs instead of the lift, preparing your healthy meals) to eventually reach your goal.

Sunday, I will be posting my meal plan for next week, I'm definitely not using Asda's home delivery service again!

Until next time

Much Love

Just Ems

Start Date: 7th October 2014

Start Weight: 15 stone 8lbs

Current Weight: 13 Stone 6lbs

Total Weight Lost: 30lbs

Height 5'2